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This can be simply down to the fact that sexual interest tends to ebb and flow over time. It can also be related to specific issues in the relationship or external pressures from outside it. Anxieties surrounding sex can also come from different expectations about how much sex you think you should be having. They may also need the setting and mood to feel right. The best way to do that is to talk to your partner. You might find it helps to take the approach that we use in sex therapy. This is based around taking some of the pressure off sex, and learning to enjoy it again — slowly — from the ground up:.
If one of you is finding things are progressing too fast, you could slow down. Although talking to a therapist about your sex life can feel a little strange at first, many couples are surprised at how effective it is. Likewise, if your issues with sex stem from issues in your relationship itself, relationship counselling is a really good way of unpacking these. Again, we know it can be difficult to ask for this kind of help, but many couples find that even one session is enough to start to unplug problems in communication that have been making things difficult for years.
We've stopped having sex. Why might you or your partner have gone off sex?How Long Is Too Long to Go Without Having Sex? (for Digital Romance)
There are lots of reasons why you or your partner might be feeling less interested in sex: Feeling less connected than usual. Too busy to make time for sex.
You struggle with performance anxiety. Meaning the thought of having sex makes you worried and stressed. Mental or physical health issues may be making things difficult. You may have insecurities about a physical injury or condition, be unable to have sex, or your interest in sex may have been disrupted by a mental illness. Getting perspective on sex Anxieties surrounding sex can also come from different expectations about how much sex you think you should be having.
Listen to what they say. It may be difficult to hear some of what they have to say — but this is always a risk if you want to have an open, honest talk. Try to understand their perspective.
Try to see things from their point of view. They may be experiencing specific anxieties that are making it difficult for them to think about sex, or may feel embarrassed, guilty or inadequate about the situation. This is based around taking some of the pressure off sex, and learning to enjoy it again — slowly — from the ground up: You might like to start by taking sex off the table entirely.
A lot of sexual anxieties can stem from the feeling that any kind of sensual touch will have to lead eventually to full sex. It could mean just touching or kissing more.
You might like to try giving each other massages or holding hands. That way, you can re-learn to enjoy being sensual in a pressure free environment. More details about our telephone counselling, webcam counselling and Live Chat services can be found here. Details of your local Relate service can be found here.
If you're worried about your sex life, there are various ways we can help. Find out about Sex Therapythe kind of issues it can help with and how it can help.
You can talk to a trained counsellor online using our telephone or webcam services. If we've helped you, will you please help us?
Please consider making a small donation. How much would you like to donate? Other amount. Related content:. Sex and intimacy quiz.How Long Is Too Long to Go Without Having Sex? (for Digital Romance)
We're stuck in the same routine. We have different sex drives. I have problems getting or keeping an erection.No sex for years now
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