Added: Lauri Marinelli - Date: 21.04.2022 18:20 - Views: 23273 - Clicks: 3696
People still cling to and admire the ideals of a long-term commitment and marriage and with a little effort and cooperation many find that it is actually doable when they have both feet in the relationshipwhilst others are finding that finding a new partner is sometimes just easier, and divorcing themselves from their partner and situation makes more sense.
Alternative lifestyles, also known as open relationships, are giving couples a third option, so to speak, when relationships need a little extra push to get up that hill. When I speak about alternative lifestyles I am talking about anything that deviates from the expected and usual monogamous, heterosexual marriage. LGBTQ lifestyles are another style where although married, one partner, or perhaps both parties have another partner of the same sex, or may be involved in a lifestyle as another gender, with another gender, etc.
The variations, labels and titles are endless. Sometimes the couple makes a decision to do this together based on other circumstances. They are not always the easiest of lifestyles and couples need to communicate openly and honestly to both get their needs met. Communication and cooperation are key here. Note: To me, cheating and infidelity do not qualify as an alternative lifestyle, although technically other people are involved. A healthy alternative lifestyle with your partner includes consent, honesty, and communication.
Helen Fisher, PhD did. She found that there were 3 stages of love. Basically they were Lust, Romance and Commitment. In the lust and romance phase things are exciting, passionate and the sex is great. In the commitment phase all the excitement and unrest le to stability, security, things which are perfect for family raising, and often times also lack luster sex, especially when couples are comparing it to before.
I call it the 2-year lull. Couples often start freaking out at this point and wonder what is wrong with them. Couples in the know recognize this is normal and find a way to flow through this time with continued efforts and this is also a time when many couples decide they may want to do something different or alternative to spice up the relationship.
How do you know if this lifestyle is for you? You have to be honest with yourself and your partner. If there is something that does interest you, discuss it with your partner and try to set as many ground rules as you can before proceeding as it can get a little complex out there. Getting more people involved means more emotions, personalities, time spent, so on and so on. Jealousy and insecurity happen too. Setting ground rules is key. Liszt, if you are truly thinking about embarking on something new and adventurous with your partner.
All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy. The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. Also,even if one of the partners may be interested in experimenting,he or she may not be able to convince the other about the same.
This can lead to a lot of problems as the former could then go ahead with the plans without the consent of the latter and will eventually put a major strain on the relationship. How about some support for the traditional married couple every now and then?
What is so wrong with being traditional? Alternating lifestyles may sound exhilirating and exciting. My perosnal experience with friends who have tried this style of living is that it ends generally in seperation and further therapy. The women and the men wind up jealous and wondering whats going on with the other partner. After they get past this point my two pairs of friends actually just switched partners.
Jaqui, traditional relationships and couples are the norm and there is a lot of support for them, if not a blind acceptance or following by many, and there is still a lot of infidelity, dishonesty, cheating, etc. Ronald and Reagan, sure these type of relationships can be hard work, and frankly who has the time or energy?!?!Living off the grid in Australia
I would appreciate any other articles on the subject as it comes up in therapy. I know ground rules are important, but what happens when they the couple go beyond the rules and the insecurities show up in forms of anger and passive aggresive acts? Susan, Thanks for your comment. I agree that sometimes rules within an open relationship, non monogamous scenario can go haywire. We may be conditioned to follow the monogamous mindframe which makes new lifestyles somewhat harder to manuever, thus more communication and honesty is required in these scenarios.
I have some more articles on if you are interested. This sort of lifestyle is considered taboo by most of the common population. To say that it could not work in a stable and committed relationship is not necessarily true. My partner and I have been sharing sexual experiences with others for about six years now and are still very stable and committed to one another and our relationship only grows stronger every year that we are together.VANLIFERS: Portrait of an Alternative Lifestyle (Subs: EN-FR-ES-DE-IT) Full Movie
Ricki, That sounds wonderful. Thank you for sharing. I agree. I think having a strong stable relationship can sometimes be the key in making open relationships work. We are VERY deeply in love, incredibly happy together and have an awesome sex life!!! This aspect of our relationship has only contributed to our already deep love, absolute respect and total trust of each other. John, Thank you so much for your comment.
The lifestyle is an addition to a successful and happy relationship, not a replacement of any sort. My wife wants to do this with her ex husband…to the extent of letting him move into our home. I dont like the idea at all but that does not seem to make any difference to either one of them. They both all for it of coarse I on the other hand think what reagan james said will apply here. Advice please…help!!! Have you voiced your concern? A major part of embracing alternatives is also about respect, and communication.
Boundaries need to be respected.
Ive been thinking about exploring the alternative lifestyles wit my husband lately. Unfortunately a couple of months ago i found out that he has been in the lifestyle b4 he even met me.
But one of my guilty pleasure has been abt him cheating on me then he comes home to me n ill punish him sexually or just him having sex with another woman. But cheating is agaisnt my moral. I would never want him or me to cheat on each other. I fully forgive him for his lifestyle coz his intention was not 2 hurt me thts why he kept it a secret. But now im confuse abt my sexuality. He said im bisexual. I thought he meant im a lesbian but he explained it to me.
He is ok wit it n want to explore it. I need help coz now im having urges to b wit a woman again sexually or longterm. We are also VERY in love and our sex life is fabulous. There is never any issues with trust or insecurities as we are very open with communication. If something does not feel right we walk away.
The swingers club nearby has opened a world that many just daydream of. Fifty shades is a fairytale. This is reality.
So my husband and I are just new to the lifestyle…my idea and he was on board. We both can look at each others phones but I keep myself from looking. Kelly, It sounds like it is a good time to talk about some rules and boundaries in the arrangement. Like relationships, open relationships require ongoing and constant maintenance, sometimes even more so due to the delicate emotions involved.
So some advice would be really helpful. My husband has been consistent in telling me over the past few years that he does not believe in monogamy lasting forever, and that physical attraction to other people or sex with other people would never harm our relationship. So after thinking this through and realizing I may enjoy a little extra spice once in a while, we decided to try having an open relationship. We set some ground rules of nothing that could threaten our relationship and always be safe, etc. Well, in Feb he was gone for work travel for 5 weeks.
And during that time he met a woman who he started sleeping with. But did not say anything else about it, so I passed it off as a fling and forgot about it. The next few days I noticed he was disappearing on his phone a whole lot, and he has never done that before. He got very upset and told me that I was the only one threatening our relationship by trying to make him stop talking to someone he loves. Which was when the bombshell came out that he feels he loves this other woman.
But to me, that clearly defied the rules we set in the beginning. He was very secretive about who she was and when they were seeing each other, and even convinced me not to him on a work trip during the week of our anniversary because he planned to take her with him which I did not know and then expected me to be fine with it and not upset.
But I CAN change my mind, right?
If we try it and he obviously wants something other than what he portrayed he wanted in the beginning which was just sexI should have every right to change my mind. Any advice? Anyone been in a similar situation? Is there any point in trying to save my marriage or should I just give up? Chris, Thanks for your comment.
It sounds like your husband might be gas lighting you a bit i. Was he honest about it? Infidelity can happen, even in open relationships, when one person breaks the agreed upon terms. Open relationships only work when all parties involved are honest and respectful. Questions to ask yourself? What is your bottom line? Are you okay with him breaking the vow of trust read: not fidelity in your relationship? If you determine he did not break your trust and that you are okay with that part, can you accept him having a girlfriend?
If the answer is: maybe, then try to determine what your clauses are, to stay in the relationship. Communicate those to him directly and see if he agrees.Alternative Lifestyle in Washington
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